Hi, I am White Horse, I am a tall, beautiful White Hanoverian Stallion, who loves to horse around. I am 5 years old. (that is about 20 in people years) My slave: ( your owner is your slave because the human serves you on hand and foot, and will get you anything you need or want, Always remember that you don't serve humans, humans serve you) she is a very good person, but she and all other humans don't realize how smart us horses are. For example, I snuck into her house and got into her computer and I am typing this paper. And I surf the internet whenever she is gone. I have also set up my own web page called "White Horses Carrots". I also have a column in a on-line magazine.

To all you other horses out there: Being a horse is a gift from God. Live and have fun. Here are some ways that I think will help you become a more horsish and less like what man has made you.

The first thing you as a horse should know is that, A stick with a few dead leaves on it can make vary scary noises ( take advantage of this fact) . Also plastic bags can be quite scary to a horse. Well, Ok pretty much anything can look scary when you hold it in your mouth and shake it. It is very fun to chase other horses around using this knowledge. One time I was quietly grazing in the pasture and a plastic bag was trying to get me. It chased me and almost cought me, but I out run it with my lightning speed. It gave up and chased another horse. As I stood and watched that plastic bag chase another horse, I wondered to myself, why are such large animals scared of such small things. I have not been able to awnser that question.

Other horses also seem to be quite scared of loud noises. A hoof against metal or the barn wall works well. Coughing loudly behind an unsuspecting horse can also be just as effective. One time I was trying to get to the grain feeder, but the other horses were hogging it ,as usual, so in frustration I kicked the metal shed wall, and all the horses scattered. I had rein over the feed.

Most horses also don't know what to think when you climb into the salt feeder or the grain feeder. Neither do most people. Any open object is meant to be climbed into. Never mind the size of the object in comparison to your size. Also , never mind that the object may be harder to exit then it was to enter. Trailers are more fun to get into then they are to get out of. Do not consider this fact when entering the trailer, but strongly consider it when asked to get out. Personally I enjoy climbing into feeders, (always remember that the best tasting grain and oats is always in the back of the feeder) but sometimes I can't get out until it falls over. Then while I eat the grain my slave comes out and scoops all the left-over grain back into the grain feeder. So when she goes in, I find it hard to get the grain in the back, so I climb on in. The grain in the back of the feeder always taste better, so, you have to climb on in and get it.

Horse hair bears a striking resemblance to grass. So does people hair. All objects have the potential to be edible. Much taste-testing and chewing is required to discover this potential. The thing that I have found with allot of potential is peoples clothes. I think old shirts are the best. But I think you must discover what you like best.

Some horses make interesting noises when you nip them, especially when you nip them on the butt, especially when the horse you are nipping on the butt is a female. This is a nice form of foreplay. The mare loves for you to nip her on the butt. No matter how many times she kicks at you. Keep it up , she will give in.

If you possess a large hanngy down thing, then you are a stallion, no matter what the vet does to it. Be sure that everyone knows that you are a stallion. Mares find this attractive. Remind them of this as much as possible. Ignore any rude remarks that a mare may give. Make her want you, prance around ,arch your neck, give a nice steady nicker, and a squeal, then bring her a mouthful of grass or hay. Persistence is the key in this matter. If she is not responsive, she will be sooner or later. When she gives in, and you redeem yourself as herd sire. That is a great time in a stallions life.

People make interesting noises when you place your foot on theirs. People also make interesting noises when you buck while they are sitting on your back. The higher the buck, the louder the noise. The noises people make are so funny to hear. They make no sense, they just mumble and grunt and growl. Too bad they don't have a normal language like us horses.

Food was meant to be eaten and water was meant to be drunk. Water is also ment to be splashed and played in. This act is more fun when someone is sitting on your back. I love to splash and play in water. But only when it is hot or warm. Cold water is not fun to splash and play in. Especially when you are a stallion.

Personally, I enjoy rolling around in the dirt. Especially after I have been bathed or groomed. The dirtier I get , the better I feel. Grooming is a good thing but rolling in the dirt afterwards is even better. Mud is also vary fun to roll around in. The wetter and stickier the mud is, the better. Mud is a good thing when the bugs are out. Bugs can't bite through mud. When you roll, wait till your slave takes off your saddle, because it is vary uncomfortable to roll around with a saddle on your back. Don't roll around on top of your slave because that can be uncomfortable also.

"Good Boy !" should be music to the ears. Respond with pricked up ears and a happy face ( this phrase always applies to you). Come to think of it "Good Boy !" is the only phrase that applies to you. "NO !" does not apply to you. Ever. Neither does "naughty" or any negative phrase. Be sure that your slave knows that these phrases do not apply to you, and you don't appreciate any negative attitudes. "Whoa !" applies to you when you are tired of moving. "Giddyup !" applies to you when you are tired of standing still. Under opposite circumstances, each can easily be misinterpreted as the other. In fact, most phrases can easily be misinterpreted to your liking.

When ever your slave gets mad at you, the things that always works is a soft sweet nicker, a nuzzle and always give cute sweet pony eyes. (humans can't resist this) This has dug me out of a hole many times.

Rules were ment to be broken, unless they were rules that you wrote. Then they should be applied as often as possible. In as many different circumstances as possible. As long as possible.

Ride the pony home